Who Am I Anyways?

I read a blog the other day by my amazing friend Abby and it made me think about something-- who am I at the center of me?

What brought this up was a verse from Romans that says "love from the center of who you are" (Romans 12:9 in the Message).

But who am I at the center of me anyways? I mean, I could be identified by countless things.
I'd like to say my identity is, first and foremost, in Christ. I am a daughter of God, an heir of His kingdom. His child, His beloved, His servant. His workmanship.

And these are all very true.

But how I've been acting lately, or rather the thought patterns I've allowed myself to follow lately, have not been in accordance with this identity. Here's the truth: I've been thinking more about travel than I have about God's kingdom, I've spent more time on Pinterest than I have in the Word, and I've spent a lot more time worrying about my future than I've spent trusting that He will take care of it.

And I want to change that.

I don't want to chase momentary things. I don't want my heart to flutter here and there chasing everything that looks good. Instead, I want to be rooted and planted deeply in Christ.¹ I want my full attention to be on God and what He is doing. And in a world full of distraction, it takes some hard-core, conscious effort to do so.

So for now, I've packed away my world maps and my dreams of travel. I've put them out of my mind. And instead I bring out the word of God. I want to seek His wisdom and not be driven by wanderlust. I want to be driven by the love of God, by the Holy Spirit, by the voice of wisdom, rather than a picture of a palm tree and a warm, sunny beach that looks pleasant.

So this is what I've decided, 

I'm taking up my cross² ... I'm walking committed... I'm saying your will Father, not mine.

And I know that His ways are so much better than my ways, his path so much straighter than my path, and His plan a million times better than my plan. 


1. Ephesians 3:17  2. Matthew 10:38,39

"Hinds' Feet on High Places"

I finished reading the book "Hinds' Feet on High Places"  the other day and can't help but to reflect on it and relate it to my own life. It is a pretty easy read that flows in the form of a story, but is full of truth and little nuggets of wisdom and insight. I don't want to give anything away, and highly recommend that you read it for yourself, but here are some of my favorite quotes I noted while I was reading:

"'All the fairest beauties in the human soul, its greatest victories, and its most splendid achievements are always those which no one else knows anything about, or can dimly guess at. Every inner response of the human heart to Love and every conquest over self-love is a new flower on the tree of Love.'" - The Shepherd talking to Much-Afraid (pg. 48).

"'It is always safe to obey my voice, even if it seems to call you to paths which look impossible or even crazy.'"  - The Shepherd (pg. 80). 

"It is the leap which they have to make, the awful height from which they must cast themselves down to the depths, there to be broken on the rocks... It looks as though they think it is the loveliest movement in all the world, as though to cast oneself down is to abandon oneself to ecstasy and joy indescribable.'"  - Much-Afraid talking about the waterfall flowing from the High Places (pg. 161). 

The book is about the journey from the valley to the High Places and the uncertainty in between. Its about learning to love the Shepherd above all else and to follow his path even when it seems illogical and crazy. Its about having the faith to trust him down into the desert when you want to be up on the mountains, or along the foggy path when you can only see three feet in front of you. 

Much-Afraid's journey reminded me of something I had written in my journal a few months ago: We can't dwell on what we'll lose if we follow Christ, only on what we gain. Because we gain so much more than we could create on our own and we'll feel so much more peace than if we reject him. This way of living and loving with Christ as our guide, this way of surrender and pain, beauty and fullness, it is the best thing we could ever decide to be a part of. 

No matter where you're at in your journey, I encourage you to take a moment to look back and think about the things he has brought you through. Remember the miracles, both big and small, that he has already done. And know that as much as Christ has already done, he will do in the future.